Valeri spilled water on me today. ): I am sad. I don't know what to do about it.

Staying up all night recently has taught me how to cook. I sit up and wonder what to do, so experimentation in food is something fun.

If I die in the next few weeks from eating something foul. Blame it on the insomnia/lack of care about sleep.

I only seem to write in this when I am in a bad mood, procrastinating, and need to vent. Bad place, since I rarely even visit this website.

It's a dying breed. Perhaps it's personal blog time? Then again, with a personal blog none of the people (all, what, 2 of you?) would even know I updated.



Life is strange.

I need to figure out what I feel, how I feel them, and how to stop from feeling that way. Maybe just being honest and open will allow them to move on without having to deal with all the crap?

Not sure.

Venting without much of an explanation, internally and externally.

Define for me happiness, and I will show you a life. All potential and no friction.

Life can be lived without actually living. Poetry, prose, movies, and more. They all show a lack of reality that declare to our subconscious a life we wish we had.

Fuck living.

Write something. Draw something. Create your own reality, own up to it, and allow it manifest internally.

Life is no longer for living for happiness is no longer obtainable.

So I lost my wallet in the casino I was at. someone took all my ones, but left all my other denomination and turned it in to security. I had like 30 bucks in ones, and like 120 bucks. So I got my wallet back with 91 dollars in it(they had left one, one dollar bill with the tens and twenties.)

Adios

I drew a ship on my leg. Looks like a pirate shite, with a cannon the size of a ship. It's kind of cool.

"My dream
My dream girl don't exist
at the age of five she slit her wrists
she didn't know I'd be hanging around
So her parents buried her in the ground

my dream girl don't exist
she's working at a mcdonalds in madison, wisconsin
she could have been cool, but she let the system get to get to her
she forgot about art, and just made hamburgers

my dream girl don't exist
they're all sitting around watching tv
their out stuffing shit"

"HEY GUIZE I'M SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW, WHO WANTS TO TAKE ME HOME."

-easy guess

followed quickly by "You are such a slut [name]"

"WAIT, WHAT?!"


_______________________

It seems the past two days have spawned quotes so miraculous that without having the back story I have,it would seem just assholish.

Either way, the company I keep reflects my inability to completely exteriorate my emotions into insults.

Can I not do anything correct? I mean I can't keep a girl's interest so she has to go cheat on me? That's cool.

I don't know how I should be feeling. I think it's like an angry apathy, and being appalled at what people do to people that care about them.


"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."

I need to stop trying to give myself in hopes that would change something. People are fucked up. I can't change these things apparently. Trying was a bad idea. I felt something, and jumped at it. I need to go back to trusting in myself, and not in the words of others. I felt this had been coming for weeks.